Tamha ausum ghari be ghashae

I felt pined to visit my homeland after 36 years of forced exile.

I longed to see my place and dear home. I yearned to walk up and down my home. I desired to wander in streets of my home land.

I craved to spend happy times with my KP brothers and sisters who stayed back & never left the valley.

As I reached the porch of my homeland I was challenged and asked to show my credentials to enter.

I had to explain and convince again and again that I belonged to this place as I was born here; Kashmiri was my mother tongue; my mother is from here, my father is from here, my grandparents are from here.

I expressed that since the time I was exiled by force I was made to wander around aimless like a madman out of bewilderment.

As I reached my homeland, I looked around but Alas! did not see a single soul mate around.

I understood and felt that I was lone and alone left here. I searched for my dear home day and night and found out that strangers had occupied it and were living in it.

It pained me and I did not know what to do and where to go? Feeling helpless, silently carried this huge burden in my heart and moved on.

After wandering around far and wide, far off somewhere I found my "likes". I felt awakened as if life came back in me.

But Alas! these were only a few left. Soon I understood though a few in number these are sole bearers of our future. Therefore we should cherish and look after them.

I also realised that present time for this task was so precious and we should hold it in our fist tightly and not lose it.

I visited temples. Had dips in holy springs to cleanse my body and mind.

I prayed to Mata Sharda with oil lamps and incense and got her blessings. I felt as if Mata Sharda showered her grace to purify my body and soul.

In company of saints and sadhus I got lots of blessings from them.

I found that my KP brothers and sisters were living in accommodations which is like chicken coops. They were locked inside and surrounded by police security outside.

They had expressed their frustration to office bearers many times. They had sent representations to higher authorities many times. But it was ignored as no body has taken any concrete action.

They felt left in a helpless miserable situation. They have now left everything to the Almighty.

Everywhere I looked for my dear home. Could not trace it as all around had changed. Found strangers with their whole family living in it.

Seeing this I got stunned and my body froze. Wanted to beat my chest and blame my KARMAS. Wanted to sob loud to express pangs of my pain.

And say loudly that we have been looted during the day light. But who will hear my cries of torment with deaf ears.

Some amongst us went to see the leaders. Had a dialogue to and fro. Leaders put a deaf ear and ran off.

Even though our side tried to put lot of pressure, once again this time no meaningful results were seen inspite of our loud noise.

However it felt as if we have unburdened ourselves by doing "something". We achieved nothing except our old wounds opened raw again.

I ask the world —

Would you call it a HOME when I have to search for its name and address. Would you call it a HOME when I have to search for its door. Would you call it a HOME when I have to search for its porch. Would you call it a HOME when I have to search for HOME within a HOME.

For thousands of years I have been searching for MY HOME. I have been wandering in this search everywhere aimlessly since then.

In a pensive dream state when I was contemplating all this, Mata SHARDA showed up and told me — Do not feel dejected, wake up to march on. Forget resentment and concentrate on the Almighty.

Now I feel reassured that times will change. Morning light will shine up and I will find MY HOME.

Since then I remember and repeat the mantra "let us all be together and not divided" and soon we find our HOME.