It All Comes Full Circle. Exit The Circle Now…

When consciousness decided to experience itself fully, creation came into existence. Science calls this the Big Bang, but it is more than that.

To experience itself, consciousness expressed itself in duality, polarity (virodhaabhaas): good and evil, dark and light, male and female, yin and yang, dharti and aakash, mother and father, logical and creative, and so on. Come to think of it, what is the Ramayan without Raavan? What is light without darkness?

One who has touched the deepest lows of darkness can appreciate the light the most… isn’t it?

My life has been a living example of this.

I have glimpses of my childhood. The earliest go back to my crawling days. I remember the green frock I was wearing and the roths (Kashmiri maida and sugar dessert bread) that looked irresistible to me on my first or second birthday. Every time I moved toward the thaali holding those big elliptical roths, someone would either lift me away or remove the plate. That union had to wait, perhaps until after the Kashmir exodus at the age of seven, or maybe just before that, when I finally tasted the roth.

A little later in life, perhaps when I was three or four, I noticed that my younger cousin Shweta had fair skin and was considered very pretty, in stark contrast to me, who was a few shades darker, at least three. My first experience of polarity: kaala and gora. Around the same time, my brother, who was six or seven, could climb trees in Nishat Bagh and Shalimar Gardens, while I was afraid of heights.

Polarity again: Shiv–Shakti, masculine–feminine.

I remember being asked to “behave like a girl,” and it ignited rebellion within me. I did not want to act like anything less than a human being. I wanted to be treated on merit. Initially, I thought I simply wanted equality with my brother. Later, I realised that was not it. I wanted to be seen as an individual beyond gender and skin colour. I wanted my heart to be seen.

Deep within, I felt my identity existed beyond these labels. But in the absence of any societal framework for such a perspective, I kept interpreting it as a desire for gender equality, and later even gender superiority, believing women were stronger and more powerful than men. After all, we endure monthly periods… lol.

Sometimes words fall short of what we want to express because we rely on familiar language and situations to categorise, even trivialise, our emotions. We are so conditioned by societal frameworks that we try to fit everything into predefined boxes. Creating a new framework is scary. Operating outside the box demands authenticity.

The world may label authenticity as ego, and you may begin to believe it. But that is where the catch lies. Stay outside the box. Observe yourself closely. Identify the intent behind your actions. The underlying emotion will reveal whether you are being authentic or ego-driven. The line is thin, and our ability to discern it is even thinner.

It takes courage not to conform, but not for the sake of rebellion or proving a point. Otherwise, it is not divinely guided. It must come from a place of maintaining your authentic signature, your unique divine energy field.

With the blessings of Mahavatar Babaji and Dr. Uday Shah, I later came to understand that everyone is different. No one is right or wrong, just different roles being played according to a script we ourselves chose.

A brief introduction to Mahavatar Babaji, though words can never capture his essence, and I do not attempt to do so.

Babaji is a Siddha who brought Kriya Yoga back to humanity in Kalyuga and gave diksha to great masters like Lahiri Mahasaya, Adi Shankaracharya, and many others who carried forward the divine mission. Babaji has been working silently behind the scenes for centuries. It is difficult to estimate his age, as time and space cease to exist in the quantum metaphysical realm. Time itself is perhaps the greatest illusion, keeping us engaged, occupied, and bound to the experience of living.