Oxymoronic Paradoxical Matrix

Questions arise within us, but we seek answers outside.

Return to the source, and all questions dissolve.

My spiritual journey in this birth started about three to four years ago, or so I thought. I began developing an interest in numerology, astrology, the seven chakras, yoga, swar vigyan, pranayama, mantras, and mudras. Without realising it, the cleansing had already begun.

Around the same time, I also started solving puzzles and sudoku, setting up new businesses from scratch end to end, and judging beauty pageants, as if I were walking the left brain and right brain simultaneously.

Career-wise, much-awaited appraisals, promotions, new responsibilities, and better colleagues (or so I thought) all started showing up at once. It felt like experiences from another lifetime had gathered here, all at once, just to greet me.

But the sceptical me, the critical me, the me that felt separate from the universe, was flowing with the flow, yet not quite seeing the bigger picture of existence. I could only flow as far as my existing belief systems and past experiences would allow. I was getting better and better, but arrival still felt far from near.

On the kids’ front, things began to shift beautifully. They started taking ownership of their education and health, learnt swar vigyan, and followed it to the T. It opened new paradigms in them, and they even began waking up at Brahma muhurat. My dream come true 😍

Noteworthy: I continued sleeping until 6 or 7am, while they took to it almost instantly.

Through my studies in numerology, I learnt that my mother and I share the number of the guru (moolyank 3). We both, by nature, should never have eaten non-vegetarian food. I also discovered my mother has Ketu in the 12th house, which can be an indicator of moksha, or the final birth.

My mother quit non-veg instantly. I, on the other hand, deliberated. As a former runner and intermittent gym-goer, I had been eating six to eight egg whites for breakfast, so I convinced myself that quitting wasn’t sustainable. But somewhere inside, I knew it would eventually become necessary.

I continued being mindful, practising breathwork like nothing else mattered. Slowly, something opened up.

Two years ago, I undertook a Hanuman Jaap and Chaupai Jaap, approximately 21 recitations daily for 21 days, and decided not to eat non-veg during this time.

Kavan so kaaj kathin jag maahi, jo nahi hoi that tum paahi,

Deen dayaan bird samhaari, harhu naath mum sankat bhaari.

Om Shri Hanumate Ram Dootaye, Vajradehaye, Pawan Putraye, Namo Namah!

Days passed. Office events came and went. And I didn’t eat non-veg, not even eggs. Once enough months had gone by, I looked back and realised it was simply gone. As if it had never existed.

As if Hanumaan ji himself had come to take it away.

As if I was ready to embark on a new journey of ascension and soul growth, one where a lighter body was required; where the heaviness of grief, sorrow, and the fear absorbed from a dying animal need not be consumed. Where what naturally absorbs sunlight and prana is what we should eat to live healthily and joyfully.

Twenty-four years ago, while I was a lecturer at Amity University, an important concept was introduced to me: telomerase.

Telomeres are like protective caps that sit at the ends of our chromosomes, which carry our DNA, our blueprint. The more we eat, the more digestive enzymes are produced, and the more telomerase is released, slowly unwinding these caps. The day they are fully open, the body dies a natural death.

Non-vegetarian food requires more enzymes to digest, takes longer to break down, and accelerates the unwinding of telomeres, exposing chromosomes to harsh cellular environments, leading eventually to cellular death and organ failure.

Contrast this with vegetables and fruits, which take just 30 minutes to an hour to digest, require less urja (energy), and free the body to direct its prana towards healing and restoring cellular health. Altogether, it is among the most powerful pathways to longevity and age reversal.

Only now did I understand the full spiritual significance. The healing ✨ of the body is simply a manifestation of the healing of the mind and soul. The more our soul heals, the more youthful we appear, which brings me to a question I’ve long asked myself. People have almost always guessed my age to be at least ten years younger than it is, even on my worst hair days 🙃😅. And this was long before I knew any of this. So what does that say about what’s possible? Is our quest to live eternally, the lab experiments, the anti-ageing science, merely a projection of what the soul has always known? That we are immortals. That even this body can stay for a long time. Much, much longer than we ever envisaged.

In one of my meditations, I woke up with a realisation. We all watched B.R. Chopra’s Ramayana and Mahabharata in 1989–90. Looking back, I cannot recall a single scene where a body was being carried away in the conventional sense of natural death. People departed either by freewill, like Ram, Krishna, and Bhishma Pitamah, or they were killed in battle or through maya. Natural deaths, as we know them today, hardly seemed to exist.

And then I read texts from Greek and Western traditions that also speak of people living 900 years or more, choosing to leave the Earth not out of illness, but simply because they were done with their role here, and boredom had set in.

When we left Kashmir, the so-called scarcity of money meant we rationed resources, which inadvertently kept junk food and street food off the table. That must have contributed to our overall good health. But the trauma and victim mentality that ran alongside, steeping quietly into the subconscious, kept surfacing as disease within the community: cancers, dialysis, diabetes, thyroid disorders in women. None of it was unfamiliar.

I, however, remained largely healthy, until at 34 I learnt I had not only high cholesterol and triglycerides, but also mitral valve regurgitation. And I didn’t handle that news well. I wanted to be comforted, but comfort didn’t come. Only my husband and I knew about the heart issue, and he is very much a “take the bull by the horns” type, not an “o mera bachcha” type. And I thought I was too, or so I believed.

All of this despite having no sugar, no junk food, running marathons, holding down a full-time sales job, and raising two children. What the heck!

So I decided to eat, sugar, chhole bhature, samosas, cheese-burst pizzas, all of it. I was being revengeful because I had cast myself as a victim of fate. I believed I had inherited these issues genetically from my ancestors. (This is something I would later see reflected in my Jupiter placement in my horoscope, a realisation that came about seven years later.)

Having been fiercely independent my whole life, I had made critical decisions entirely on my own. Allow me to illustrate. I got through Government College of Pune for C&S Engineering and also through the University of Delhi’s BSc (H) Microbiology. My decision-making matrix was simple: the former cost ₹40,000 per semester; the latter cost ₹3,000 per year.

The choice was made. I didn’t want to be a burden on my family, especially since my elder brother had already spent two years and ₹1.6 lakh before leaving engineering halfway. I took it upon myself to “solve” the money problem, a problem that, by the way, never really existed. It existed only in my head.

And that is where most problems live. Most questions too. Yet we seek answers outside, and when we can’t find them there (because by design, we cannot), we blame, we indulge, we become victims to our own psyche.

Circling back to where we began.

I started my spiritual journey with no objective, no target, no questions, just one step at a time, one day at a time, one practice at a time.

But as I practised and began to understand my soul’s purpose, questions naturally started arising. Dr. Uday Shah, being the guide that he is, generally doesn’t answer questions directly. He wants us to find our own answers.

I used to wonder why. I understood intellectually that it was important to find answers ourselves, but truly grasping why took a while.

Without divulging specifics, let me offer a hypothetical.

Imagine you ask your guru today: “What is my soul purpose?”

And he answers: “You are the second coming of Christ. You are the Kalki Avatar.”

Cross your heart. Would you accept it? Would you believe it? Would you even know what to do with it?

I offer an extreme example because everything less than it fits the same pattern. Even if someone you deeply revere gives you an answer, it won’t resonate until that resonance has arisen from within, from your own inner manthan. Not because the soul purpose stated is “too big,” but because your existing mental framework will refute it. Your limited mind, out of false humility, will ask: “Is it even possible that I am the Kalki Avatar?”

It’s like when the Akashvani was spoken, and Kans would not listen. He fought it. And then spent a lifetime wondering why.

This is why true masters work behind the scenes. They work on shifting your frequency. They illuminate the path, one step at a time. As you walk each step in complete surrender, the path becomes visible, because there is no preset path. Every step you take creates the path.

So stop questioning. Who are you, separate from the universe? Individually, you are fragile and finite. United with the universe, you are everything and yet nothing. You are everything because you are nothing. You are no longer bound by the limitations of identity; you become the eternal, unlimited consciousness itself. And from that place, abundance flows.

You are no longer manifesting, you are the manifestation. What is next and best for you arrives automatically. People who no longer serve you quietly fall away. New ones appear who support you. Triggers arise that threaten to rip you apart and then heal you, if you stay patient and move through them as though they never truly existed.

A true master will sometimes even come down to your level of understanding so that you can be liberated. You have no idea how much effort and quiet pain they endure to heal you.

Shat shat naman. Shukrana. Eternal gratitude. 🙏

There is one more layer worth exploring. Answers shift depending on the frequency from which they are offered and the frequency from which the question is being asked. There is, fundamentally, a mismatch.

Universal answers do not fit the limited cause-and-effect framework our minds construct. We ask questions not because we truly want answers, but because we want to cross-examine and challenge.

This is also why reading ancient texts doesn’t always help. You will only interpret them through the lens of your current frequency. You will be drawn to speakers and interpreters who match that frequency.

And that’s still okay. Where we truly lose our way is when we refuse to accept interpretations that come from a different frequency.

Ten years ago, I could barely understand half of what Osho said. Even Sadhguru on feminism evaded me many times. But after the last three to four years, years in which I experienced the kind of depth that most people might encounter across ten lifetimes, their words became easy, relevant, alive. My acceptance was growing. My own frequency was shifting. And it was not until I began healing with Dr. Uday Shah that this acceptance deepened into realisation, and I could cross-reference their teachings with my own lived experiences.

It is like testing the medicine on yourself before recommending it to others.

When I speak from my own experience, it flows and hopefully, the reader resonates.

Thank you, #MahavatarBabaji, whom I take the liberty of simply calling “Baba,” and soul doctor Dr. Uday Shah, who entered my life as a quantum experience of the subtle universal frequencies. It felt familiar. It felt like returning to the One.

‘Anuraizai’ — from the most ancient language known, this word means: I return to the One.