August 2, 2025

How To Live With the Decisions You Wish You’d Made Differently

We all have a decision or two we’d love to undo. I have many, do you?

Sometimes it’s something glaring, a job you took (or stayed in for far too long), a conversation you avoided having before the opportunity passed or a risk you didn’t take but damn, you wish you had. Other times it’s quieter, the times you people-pleased at your own expense, the loved one you didn’t see enough, the time didn’t trust our gut, or settled for something less than you needed because you didn’t know how to ask for more.

Whatever shape your regret takes, it’s valid. But what often makes it harder to carry is the way we turn that regret inward. We often don’t just stop at replaying what happened, but we judge and shame ourselves for it – sometimes for years.

That inner voice might say ‘You should’ve known better, you always do this. You’ve only got yourself to blame’. And then suddenly the decision isn’t just something we’d change, it becomes evidence of being a failure, of not being good enough.

But here’s the truth I want to offer today: you made that decision with the knowledge, capacity, and tools you had at the time. Maybe at the time you knew you were walking headlong into a less-than-ideal decision, but made it anyway. Whilst you may feel angry with yourself, it’s likely you didn’t have the strength, capacity or support to make a better one. Regret isn’t proof you failed, it’s proof you’ve grown.

Here are some things I’d like to tell you (inspired by my new book The Good Decision Diary)

1. You’re not the same person who made that choice

Your brain changes with every experience you encounter through life. The neural pathways involved in emotional regulation, judgement, and insight develop over time, and they are especially refined through mistakes. Regret can feel like a flaw and an ache, but it’s actually a marker of psychological development. It means you’ve shifted, it means you’re seeing something now that you couldn’t see then. That’s growth and perspective, that’s new wisdom!!

2. Regret is often love in disguise

Many of our most painful regrets are rooted in love. Love for the people we didn’t show up for, or for the version of ourselves we ignored or abandoned at some point. Regret is often painful, and deeply human. It reflects your values, your heart, your hopes..and like all hard emotions, it doesn’t need to be pushed away, it needs to be understood and turned towards.

3. Guilt freezes us, compassion frees us.

Self-judgement might feel motivating, but psychologically, it narrows our thinking and drains our capacity. It doesn’t feel good, even though it might feel like we’re somehow righting a wrong through self-punishment. Compassion (and I mean real, gritty compassion, not sugar-coated self-affirmations that don’t hit the spot) actually expands our perspective. This is because it invites us to take responsibility without spiralling into self-hate. Sending compassion towards our regret instead of shame and criticism creates the conditions in which repair and change can actually happen.

4. You can take the wisdom with you

When you look back at a moment of regret, a decision you wish you’d made differently, prompt that repairing self-compassion by asking yourself these questions:

What was I holding at the time? What need was I trying to meet? What would I want to say to a friend struggling with this regret? What would I tell that version of me now, with hindsight?

Adding compassion doesn’t change the past, but it softens how you hold it and how regret impacts you in the today. It helps you access the insight without holding onto the self-worth-harming shame.

5. Self-forgiveness is a decision, too

It’s easy to think forgiveness needs to be earned, but in truth, it’s something we can choose to give ourselves. We can decide that while our past decisions may have cost us something, we’re not going to keep paying interest on them in shame and self-blame. We can choose to be softer, kinder and wiser..not just moving on, but moving with what we’ve learned.

So if there’s a decision you regret (even a life-changing one) this is your reminder:

You can carry the wisdom forward without carrying the weight. You can let it shape your future without letting it define your worth. And you can begin again, not because you forget what happened, but because you remember what you’ve learned.

P.S. The Good Decision Diary is out on Amazon on August 7th. It’s packed with tools like the ones above… gentle, practical, compassionate support to help you make more of the choices you feel good about living with.

2 Comments

Moksha Laxmi

August 2, 2025

Thank you for this beautifully written and honest piece. It’s a powerful reminder that we’re all growing through the choices we’ve made—even the ones we wish we hadn’t. I really appreciated the gentle encouragement to show ourselves compassion and to focus on what we can learn rather than dwell on regret. Grateful for your insight and the comfort it offers.

Kamlesh Kumar

August 3, 2025

Loved the title — it was so clickable, I couldn’t help but read the whole article.
What really stood out to me was the reminder that once you make a decision, stick to it. Trying to undo it later often means you’ve already burned through time, energy, and resources — and none of us have unlimited reserves. I always say: use your resources wisely. That’s why the past matters in decision-making — not to dwell on, but to learn from. Don’t try to go back and correct a mistake you’ve already made. Instead, move forward with the lesson.

Well said: “That’s growth and perspective, that’s new wisdom!”
I especially hope the younger generation hears this — yes, they’re smart and capable, but sometimes lack the deeper experience that time brings. Not saying they’re wrong (we were once the same way — not listening to those older than us). But now I see how valuable that perspective is.

Sure, grown-ups get it wrong sometimes too. So the key is: weigh everything with evidence, trust your judgment, and then commit to moving forward.