Before ‘What Do You Want to Be?’: Let Children Learn How to Think

Sifting through bundles of my children’s books from their Montessori and early primary years brings a rush of nostalgia. Their innocence, the overload of cuteness, their scribbled stories and imaginative artwork — all of it makes me smile and long to hold that little being again.

Within those made-up characters and colourful stories, a familiar theme keeps appearing:
“When I grow up… I want to be…”

It’s a topic both my children explored repeatedly — and perhaps yours did too. If you flip through old scrapbooks, you might find similar pages filled with big dreams and confident declarations.

Adults love to ask children, “What do you want to be when you grow up?”
Most of us remember an uncle or aunty proudly asking the question while our parents smiled, waiting for the “right” answer — even as we were far more concerned about how to explain a report card or when we could escape to play next door.

Our answers were usually the obvious ones. Or the ones we were reminded of day and night. The pressure was always on — sometimes intensified by the achievements of siblings or distant cousins we barely knew.

But do we really know what we want to be at 13? Or even at 15?

As a Montessorian, I am trained to understand that there is far more value in observing how a child plays than in sitting beside them, directing or questioning their play.

Observation reveals thinking. Interference often replaces it.

Over the years, however, educators have begun to feel redundant if they don’t actively participate in children’s activities. At the same time, with the rise of nuclear families, parents often feel it is their responsibility to be part of every moment of their child’s play.

In both cases, children are surrounded by constant questions, suggestions, explanations, and pre-empted consequences.

And it goes on… and on…

If we want children to:
• create
• invent
• problem-solve
• take decisions and responsibility for them
• understand consequences
• develop pre-emptive thinking
• explore alternative solutions
• reason and justify their choices

…then we must stop placing all the questions for them in their early years.

Why early years?
Because these are the formative years — and ..
constant questioning, however well-intentioned, can hinder creativity.

In my experience I have seen children who struggle to integrate with peers and demand adult interaction instead. They find it difficult to enter imaginary play because they are used to receiving instructions, ideas, and validation from adults. Over time, they lose the ability to contribute meaningfully to a shared world of play.

In such cases, even well-meaning, over-indulgent parents had to be gently guided to step back — allowing their child to learn how to play independently or collaboratively.

Being part of your child’s growing up does not mean directing every moment.

It means:
• being involved
• listening
• observing
• trusting your intuition

Show interest by saying, “That looks interesting — tell me about what you’re making.”
Children will naturally guide you through their process. As they explain, they are organising their thoughts, strengthening communication, and often recognising what is — and isn’t — working.

If you listen well enough, they will eventually ask for your opinion.

And when they do, don’t just say “It’s wonderful.” Or “That’s very clever.”
Point out specific details you appreciate, or ask a thoughtful “how” question that nudges their problem-solving forward.

As an educator, the most rewarding moments are not when children succeed — but when they work through challenges and discover solutions on their own.

One of my most rewarding moment was when I had a child write to me:
“I like Amita. She is the best teacher and makes me think a lot.”

As children grow, we still have an essential role.

We must scaffold them away and deviate them from wandering on the wrong paths — which are many forms today — while respecting their individuality. When they begin making decisions that shape their future, our responsibility is to help them identify their strengths and interests, and encourage them to explain the why behind their choices and how they arrived at those choices… what influenced / inspired them etc.

Your role is to lay out possibilities drawn from your experience, knowledge, and wider understanding of consequences — helping them to shape their decision and be confident of the choices they make understanding the long term consequences on how it will shape their lives.

We understand that failure is not the opposite of success, but one of its tools. It teaches resilience, self-awareness, and problem-solving.
(Read my blog on Dare to Fail…)

Shape their thinking without influencing it.

So the next time you ask a child, “What do you want to be when you grow up?”
Pause.

Ask instead:
• What interests you right now?
• Have you read or seen something recently that inspired you?
• What do you think about what’s happening in the world?
• What would you like to change or improve?

And then — listen.
Not to respond.
But to understand how they think.

Don’t be the TikTok in their life — constantly feeding, directing, and clouding their thoughts.

Empower their thinking! 🌱